If you are looking for a parenting handbook, look no further. The Family Virtues Guide written by Linda Kavelin Popov offers you a manual that delivers the best foundation possible of how to raise a child in any culture or society.

Her ‘Simple Ways to Bring Out the Best in Our Children and Ourselves’ contain valuable insights in who our children really are, parenting principles and practices and how to apply The Family Virtues Guide in your family.

A description of 52 ‘Gifts Within’  helps to understand each virtue, why to practice it, how to practice it, how to recognise when a virtue is practised and when it needs more attention as well as an affirmation and a drawing to visualise an example.

It is a book that should be given or at least recommended to each new parent – the earlier the better.

Have a look inside and find out why The Family Virtues Guide is one of those books that have the potential to make the world a better place – one person at a time!

Simplification is a skill that needs commitment, practice and a plan.

Elaine St. James‘ book Simplify Your Life suggest ’100 Ways to Slow Down And Enjoy The Things That Really Matter’.  From household via lifestlye, finances, and job to special issues for women, Simplify Your Life covers the basic areas of life that are often particularly effected by stress.

It is a great ‘beginners guide’ for those who are just getting warm with the idea of making small changes in their lives and are looking for suggestions what to do and how to do it.

A great tool to start any physical or mental de-cluttering process.

Out of twelve only one interpretation comes close to a meaning of Surrender that I prefer most:

To give up in favour of another

The question is: of another What?

Better indeed is knowledge than mechanical practice. Better than knowledge is meditation. But better still is surrender of attachment to results, because there follows immediate peace. – Bhagavad Gita

The Meaning of Surrender

I found that the mainstream belief about Surrender is that you have to give up something that you like or would like to have, like winning an argument for example. But what if the true meaning of Surrender is to attain something?

What if instead of insisting on ‘being right’ in a discussion you would surrender to the other person(s) point of view and gain insights that you otherwise would have missed?

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to Surrender what you are for what you could become. – Author unknown

Surrender goes hand in hand with Faith. They work best together and to embrace one fully, it is essential to accept the other too.

Once you can Surrender to Faith, the power of this combination will start to reveal itself to you in almost miraculous ways.

If you choose to accept the interpretation above for Surrender,  you can tap into the secret of true and lasting change that separates the ones who `try´ from the ones that actually achieve a permanent transformation.

Faith and Surrender – A Power Team

Change is mainly a two step process with a presupposition:

The assumption that needs to be accepted is that change is possible at all and can be done by yourself.

1. First you identify the  behaviour or belief  you want to change,
2. then you replace it with a new one.

If you give yourself permission to have Faith and to Surrender, you will feel a kind of acceptance and peace.

It was when I surrendered and trusted that I have every resource I need within me, when I was able to do things that took me a lot of courage to do like

• my first jump from a boat into the open sea (quite a big thing when you are as afraid of sharks as I am)
• leading a night dive
• Bungee Jumping

or that seem to be impossible like

• braking a wooden board without even touching it
• pricking a straw through an apple or
• breaking an arrow (that was put with its tip on my throat and was broken by leaning against it)

It was in the moment of making the conscious decision to Surrender my fears in exchange for Trust when I felt connected to the mighty power that is within everybody who dares to take that step and I know that Surrender will be my secret shield when I do a fire walk with Anthony Robbins. (More about these “Out with old excuses. In with new goals.”- events here )

The power of Surrender

Maybe you have experienced a similar moment. Maybe you did even scarier things like a sky dive or jumping out of a plane. Maybe you had really scary or life threatening moments when you thought you would die and when you then Surrendered to that possibility you have been given a second chance to live…

If you have, you will agree that the ‘Team Faith/Surrender‘ was there to support you and you will be able to remember how it felt to ‘be in the moment’ when everything around you happens like in slow motion.

Do you remember how radiant, vibrant, alive, excited, vivid and energetic you felt afterwards? How would you have completed this sentence:

“If I can do/survive this,…..  “?

If you haven’t had this kind of experience yet, when would be a good time to get out of your comfort zone and try something new (of course I am not talking about causing an accident here, right?)?
What would be one thing that you have put of until now, knowing that if you finally did it, it would make the difference in moving forward in your career, relationship or somehow else in your life?

What would it take to make that step?

Surrender – it will set yourself free.

In fact, responsibility is one of the key indicators to living authentically and taking your life in your own hands.

Responsibility is the thing people dread most of all. Yet it is the one thing in the world that develops us, gives us manhood or womanhood fiber. – Frank Crane

What Responsibility is not

Even though responsibility may appear to be an opportunity to load blame on someone else’s shoulder, this is not what it is about. This perception comes from misunderstanding the concept of responsibility.

When I was working in my first job as a sales representative in a (then) big company that produced, sold and maintained sewing machines, I was the PA to the Head of Department for Overseas Sales. He had a weird concept of responsibility:

Everything had to be reported to and endorsed by him, yet when something went wrong it was always us – the ones who were in “the lower hierachie” – who had to face the music.

While every day he gave us a lecture about how generously he gave us responsibility and freedom of choice how to get to a certain result, in fact there was only one way things had to be done: his.

If you are familiar with the term “This is how we do things, because they have always been done that way!”, you may be able to comprehend how not only frustrating, but also confusing it felt to get these contradictory messages.

Assigning responsibility to someone is not meant to be an excuse for having someone to blame in case something ‘goes wrong’ or does not work out as planned.
Neither is it meant to be a punishment as in “you asked for it, now deal with it”.

What is Responsibility?

Responsibility is a gift.

It is an opportunity to deal with an unexpected situation and find a satisfying solution, to make a choice how we want to respond to an event.

Things happen that we can’t control or influence, but what we can choose is our response to what is happening. Our response is always a choice.

Responsibilities gravitate to the person who can shoulder them. – Tom Stoppard

Here is an interesting equation:

Responsibility = Choice; Choice = Power;  that means:

Responsibility = Power, right? Right!

The Power is yours

The moment you choose to take on responsibility for your actions and for your non-actions is the beginning of a new life, a life that you then take in your own hands.

Feel this for a moment:
“It’s not my fault”;
“I didn’t ask for this”;
“There is nothing I can do”;

Can you see how powerless this comes across? I bet you can almost hear it being sad in a whining voice.

Now check this:
“I don’t like what happened, but what could it be good for?”
“What is the beauty/positive/learning in this?”
“How can I turn this around anyway?”

How does that feel?

Instead of reacting with a “Why me?”, how about taking on the challenge with a confident
“Bring it on – it’s me because I have the resources I need to deal with it!” Wouldn’t you agree that this is so much more powerful!

How could you change your life today if you would choose to see responsibility as a source of power?
How much more authentic could you live if you would accept that you have all the resources you need within you?
How relaxed would you be if you knew that responsibility is a gateway to peace, freedom and happiness?
What would it mean to you to know that you have everything you need to take your life in your own hands?

The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs. – Joan Didion

To find out where you have not yet fully taken responsibility for your life, send an e-mail to info[at]transitionguidance.com or call 07 4774 8146 today and ask for our free “Who’s Driving Your Bus?” assessment.

The power to take your life in your own hands can be yours. If you choose to accept the responsibility for it.

It was perfect timing.

Yesterday a friend of mine send me an e-mail, reminding me about choice. We are choosing everything that comes into our life – consciously or unconsciously. We choose our reactions, we choose our thoughts, we choose our job, our partner, friends, associates and we choose our emotions.

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Any choice is our own responsibility. We CAN choose the meaning we give or how we want to react to the things that happen, how we want to feel or respond. So the question is, what do we choose?

As I said, this email was a great reminder and came at the perfect time.

Two days ago I have ‘lost a baby’. Well, it was not yet a baby, merely a foetus, as I was only in the early stages of pregnancy and there had not been much bonding yet. Still it felt like a big loss to me – then.

Being in physical pain, I was looking for distraction. First I cancelled all appointments to allow time for my body to heal. Then I made a few phone calls to share the ‘sad news’ with my close friends. After some logistic arrangements were sorted to pick up my son from school, there was nothing left to consider but me and my thoughts.

The lady at the reception had suggested to get home and watch all the movies that I hadn’t had time to watch for a while. Even though I liked the idea, it was hard to choose which one would be appropriate, even more with a limited DVD library like ours. (I even felt almost ‘guilty’ for sitting and watching while my husband was working)

So I went through some of my usual favourites that I can normally watch at any time:

The Birdcage – too funny. Legends Of The Fall – too sad.
Forrest Gump – too innocent. Don Juan de Marco – too sexy.
A Disney, Pixar or Dreamworks movie – after the 1000th time: too boring. X-Men, Spiderman, Batman – too exciting.
Lord of the Rings – too gloomy and melancholic (would there be time for the whole trilogy anyway??). Dirty Dancing – too shallow (and with an intentional abortion too inappropriate!).
Chocolat – wonderful, but just not right.

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button – Just right! And just recently arrived from Germany, it was great to watch it in my mother language and get some of the little distinctions that got lost in translation at the movies.

Still – the inevitable thoughts and questions can be postponed, but they come back to bite when the distraction is gone. So I chose to surrender.

I went through the thoughts that came up:

In relation to BODY:

Am I too old? Couldn’t I give enough nutrients? Am I not fit enough? Are my eggs too weak? Would the child have been disabled?

In relation to MIND:

Did I worry too much? Did I focus on the negative things that could happen? Was it a girl who didn’t want to stay because I wished for another boy? What if….?

In relation to SPIRIT:

Did this little soul not feel welcome? Was it there to tell me something and what could that be?

There are countless possible answers to these questions, all of which could be right as much as they could be wrong.

So it was on me to make a choice:

Will I give in to grief and blame or will I accept the gifts of the event?

Looking back I decided that I have had enough attention and self-pity to  please the ego and that is was time to move forward.

So I choose to believe that this little soul wanted to give me the opportunity to revise my life, especially in terms of my family and my business.
There are a lot of decisions to be made in relation to both that I procrastinated (yes, I do this too!) to address, to act on or to consider.

I chose to believe that it is the chance for me to increase my fitness, to actually start the journey of transforming my body to how I want it to be and to become healthier overall.

I chose to believe that I I have not lost a baby, but finally found the ‘trusted source’ I have been looking for to talk to and that ‘Anna’ (how I wish to call the little soul) has come into my life to let me know that she is there to help me find some answers and define my purpose even clearer.

I chose to believe that this was a blessing and I chose to be grateful for the experience.

In life we don’t get what we want, we get what we expect.

(original source unknown, quoted by Chris Howard)

I was hoping for a sign and I got it in an unexpected way, but it reminded me that we can expect answers if we dare to ask and if we are willing to take responsibility for our choices. This is why I consciously choose to raise my standards and get very clear about my expectations from this life.

My message to you today is simple: don’t wait for a defining moment to remind you that you have all it takes to take your life in your hands.

Why am I sharing such a personal experience?

My hope is that by sharing this I can maybe help to raise the awareness that we always have a choice – at least how we choose to respond to what is happening to or around us. If that makes only one person question their current perception that “there is nothing I can do” and that helps to realise that we are much more powerful than we think we are, it maybe makes his or her day.

If that person than realises that it is time to step up and move out of the publicly so well accepted victim mentality that keeps your personal energy on a low level, it will make my day.

If this person than becomes who he or she really is, who knows whose day this will make?

We are role models for someone – how not to do it or how to do it. Will you live with your light dimmed or will you shine?

Your turn

Make a conscious choice today to design your own destiny. You are the master of your life. Skip the yeah-buts, the what-ifs and the couldna, shouldna, wouldna…

To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there. – Kofi Annan

If the ‘WHY’ is big enough, the ‘HOW’ will take care of itself.

Transition Guidance is here to help you find, refine or re-define your why and to align it with your values (what you stand for), so that everything you do will move you towards this purpose (who you are) and achieving your goals (where you want to go).

To find out where you have made the (conscious or unconscious) choice to give your personal power away and how to make your own choices, apply for a free “Who’s Driving Your Bus”-assessment via phone (07 4774 8146 or 0439 265 230) or e-mail (info[at]transitionguidance.com) today.

Please share your thoughts, any insights or similar stories below. Your input is much appreciated.

This is one of my favourite topics!

That does not necessarily mean that I have mastered the art of de-cluttering -  au contraire mon ami! But it is a very powerful strategy to get major results with minor effort.

Clutter is as dangerous for the body as it is for the mind and the spirit.

So-called ‘messies’ have their disability to think in structured and organised ways reflected in their compulsion to hord things, which gives them a sensation of safety and worthiness. They have a very strong need to collect anything to an extend that goes way beyond ‘normal household amounts’- tins, cans, newspapers, clothes, pegs, cords and strings, pens and papers, toys, batteries, …  It takes a lot of patience and ‘digging deep’ to help those people raise their self-esteem and worthiness to live a ‘normal life’ independently from those ‘accessories’.

The word clutter is used here for anything that can be categorised as being an unnecessary add-on or something that goes beyond a healthy amount in presence.

Examples and Consequences of  BODY-Clutter

• toxins from nutrition or the environment – block cells and flow of energy, causes skin problems
• high insulin level -thickens the blood and damages arteries and body tissue
• increased cholesterol level – causes blockages in arteries and slows down blood flow
• increased adrenalin production – disables the production of serotonin, our happiness hormone
• higher acid than alkaline levels – results in indigestion (burping, bloating, heavy feeling after eating, flatulence)
• and of course an over-intake of fat that is stored in the body and leads to being overweight or even obesity.

De-cluttering your BODY

Examples of cleaning processes for the body are:

• fasting
• detoxing
• sweating (sauna or steam bath)
• a relaxation or specialised massage (Shiatsu, Indian Head Massage, Nuad Thai or a Thai Herbal massage)
• change of diet
• change of lifestyle

Daily Life Experience

Studies have shown that a person who has a lot of clutter in his or her home will find it very hard to lose weight (and most of them are overweight!). I can personally second that.

Every time I decide it’s time to de-clutter a pantry or the garage, I observe that my body wants to join in and that any usual cravings for sweets magically turn into a desire for ‘healthy food’.

Examples and Consequences of  MIND-Clutter

• other people’s beliefs – can override your self-esteem
• too many ‘shoulds’ – leave no or only little room for wants
• overestimating how much can be done in a certain amount of time – feelings of overwhelm (leading to spirit-clutter)
• beliefs that do not serve, support or nurture your purpose or goals – distract you from  living your potential
• unfinished ideas, projects, plans, life goals – feelings of frustration and failure (spirit-clutter that can lead to overeating and as a result to body-clutter)

De-cluttering your MIND

Examples for cleaning processes for the mind are:

• letting go of other people’s beliefs
• learning to say “No”
• choosing to focus on the good things that have happened or may be happening during the day
• expressing your passion in a creative way (through paintings, music, dance or any other kind of art)
• examining and balancing your personal energy centres (chakras)

Daily Life Experience

Every time, as soon as I start the process of sorting, throwing or giving away, my mind goes crazy with ideas for products, projects or services I could offer to improve people’s lives.

I have exercise books full of book titles, workshop topics, product ideas that would complement any health and wellbeing strategy and I am looking forward to sharing them with you one at a time.

Examples and Consequences of  SPIRIT-Clutter

• pent-up anger – aggression, unreasonable and irrational behaviour
• unresolved frustration – impatience, overeating
• the use of emotions to get attention – un-resourceful choices of behaviour (self-pity, moodiness,..), giving away responsibility and personal power

De-cluttering your SPIRIT

• re-aligning with your values
• studying and practising emotional intelligence
• exploring and resolving issues and events in the past that may have caused a ripple effect of emotions (and limiting beliefs)

Daily Life Experience

My spirit feels very peaceful after a completed de-clutter-action, as if a load has been taken away that I was not aware of before. Many other people have confirmed the same or very similar experiences.

Coaching has helped me to let go of or learn to deal with  many emotions that are neither serving nor supporting or serving me in my purpose to help people to balance and relax their body, mind and spirit and to spread ‘contagious wellbeing’.

There are many tools and strategies available to help you do the same. Some are easy ‘Do-It-Yourself’ tactics, which I will share here and in my book, some require assistance or guidance, which I am happy to provide through my programs, treatments and services.

Walking the Talk

While I was re-structuring my business, I found it very relieving to start a new website, because the old one was getting very complex and unclear. I can see the same pattern happening with this one as I am redefining the purpose and intention of myself, my work and the way I try to reach my audience.

This website will therefore undergo a renovation process to which I am looking forward to. I invite you to leave any suggestions of how I can increase the usability of these pages and welcome any feedback  on what is missing, what is too much, what is confusing, misleading, distracting or in any other way an overload of information.

Please also feel free to share what you like and what you would miss if it would be gone as well as any ideas what can be improved or enquiries what you would love to read about in regards to balance and relaxation for body, mind and spirit. Your input is very valuable and much appreciated and I thank you in advance.

The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice – it’s conformity!

Nightingale then goes on to explain:

And there you have the trouble today. It’s conformity! People like being like everyone else, without knowing why, without knowing where they’re going.

Over the years I have discovered that this is a phenomenon that can cause a lot of stress. How do I know? I experienced it first hand, because I refused to conform.

When (almost) all the girls in my class were ´Poppers´, I was a ´Rocker´.
When girls were expected to wear skirts and pumps , I was wearing my jeans and ´adidas three stripes´.
When my peers studied, got married and had children, I got married, had children and then started to study.

After all the discussions I had with my parents, shaking heads from the rest of my family and lack of comprehension from my peers and colleagues for being so different, I can testify that being expected to conform has caused a lot of stress in my life.

But I had a lot of fun, I enjoyed life and I took every opportunity to be free to be me.

Except for one occasion:

There have been different careers that I was intrigued to pursue, but one was most outstanding: to become a carpenter (specifically: furniture designer). But when it came to making the decision to make a dream a reality, I chose to listen to advice from people who told me why I should not go that path (too hard for a woman, not profitable, no future for that, not the right thing for me…) and I learned to become a sales representative instead.

Now the only reason why I even had a chance to get one of the rare, sought after and popular apprenticeships was because I had ´connections´ – indispensable for a corporate career if you were not extremely talented . So I did my trainings, on site and at school and passed the necessary tests to get a title and to be accepted at the Chamber of Industry and Commerce.

The problem was, I wasn´t happy. Not at all. Being an Industrial Sales Representative was so far away from who I was, that it was only a matter of time when the problems would start.

To make a long story short, my first son gave me the opportunity to be physically away from the company and doing a job that was neither challenging nor fulfilling me – it simply almost ´bored me to death.´

Though today I am not a carpenter either, the work I currently do is who I am. It is fulfilling me, rewarding me, making me happy and it is what I call my temporary purpose.

Living an authentic life has helped me to make a difference in people´s lives that I never would have been able to make in my first job. What I do now is not a job. It is not even a profession. It is a calling.

The first moment I realised this was one I cherish like gold, because it had a profound impact on my body, my soul and my spirit.

Since then, I had the opportunity to notice the same or very similar effects on other people´s body, mind and spirit too.

Here is what I observed:

Impact on the BODY:

People who are not living authentically with their true self

• feel like there is a heavy burden on their shoulders
• have a low immune system
• often develop eating disorders and weight problems
• have low energy levels
• often create chronic illnesses

Impact on the MIND:

People who are not living authentically with their true self

• are often nervous
• get easily stressed and overwhelmed
• are inclined to excessively beat themselves up over trivialities
• find it hard to build relationships with colleagues
• experience their work as hard

Impact on the SPIRIT:

People who are not living authentically with their true self

• easily give in to feelings of anger, frustration, sadness or fear
• feel unfulfilled and out of alignment
• get easily bored with/in their jobs
• have the feeling that there is something important missing in their life
• seem to be (and often are) unsettled

Living authentically means doing what you love and loving what you do for a living. Living an authentic life also means being true to yourself, to who you really are.

Authenticity means being free to be you, free from the need to conform, free from listening to others who want to create a life for you that you do not want to live.

Authenticity means taking a lot of distress away, which is the kind of stress that causes the above mentioned problems for body, mind and spirit.

Living an authentic life means being fulfilled with what you do, living in a healthy body, with a peaceful mind and  a happy spirit and I´d love to invite you to the adventure of experiencing the real you.

Components of authentic living

Courage

To act in spite of doubt

Integrity

To be true to yourself first, then to others

Perseverance

To keep going when the going gets tough

Focus

To know where you want to go or what you want to achieve

Structure

To find your way back when you have to go a detour

Support

To have a shoulder to lean on and guidance along the way

The moral of the story: it’s never too late to start living on purpose and with authenticity. It doesn’t matter WHEN you start, only IF you do.

What are you doing on a consistent basis that is not really you? That you have been influenced to do from others who thought it would be good for you?

Where have you sacrificed your true self or parts thereof  for a job or a relationship that gave you security because it was easier, you felt you had no other choice or pursuing your dream seemed not to be appropriate at that time? Is that still true today?

What could you do to bring some flavour back into your own life? What was is that you always wanted to do? How can you incorporate it in your current life?

If you have difficulty creating a meaningful environment, Transition Guidance has custom designed programs to help you learn to live authentically and with purpose. Call +617 4774 8146 or write to info[at]transitionguidance.com to find out how you too can live the life you were meant to live and make the difference you are born to make.

Often these feelings are feeding from each other, creating a downward spiral that leaves us with bitterness, as ‘victims’ and in an un-resourceful , very stressful  and often painful state.

From here, physical or mental violence, anxiety or depression can be only one step away.

When dealing with painful and stress promoting emotions, the only way to respond is with emotions  that get you in balance –  physically, mentally and spiritually. For the above feelings, one of the best and most resourceful responses is forgiveness.

The effects of forgiveness on your body

• reduces the stress and the adrenalin level (which initiates our fight or flight modus)
• lowers blood pressure (which cools down excitement)
• slows down the heart beat (which reduces the risk of heart attacks)
• decreases the risk of gall and kidney stones (which often develop through continuous  living on a high stress level)

The effects of forgiveness on your mind

• allows you to connect with your inner resources (instead of using external stimulants like sugar, alcohol or drugs)
• helps you to relate to your own power and strength (instead of giving it away)

The effects of forgiveness on your spirit

• creates a positive chain reaction of supporting emotions like understanding, compassion, connection
• enables you to feel peaceful

How do you get to a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness isn’t something that automatically comes to you, but it is a state that you can reach easily, if you commit to the process of change.

An important presupposition is to recognise and accept the value of forgiveness and how it can change your life for the better.

Forgiving is an active choice to do so. This doesn’t mean that we excuse or give permission to repeat or continue the hurting person’s behaviour. By you forgiving, it doesn’t make the hurtful action better, right or acceptable.

But it does mean that you are no longer willing to accept the state of being a victim and that you have chosen that you won’t give away your personal power, integrity and worthiness.

Actions of your body:

Take a deep breath. Sounds simple and it is. When you focus on your breath, you give your body the opportunity for a short break. A deep breathe in provides the body, especially the brain, with much needed oxygen to work more effectively and find a better solution.

It also erects the body, which in return sends signals of confidence to the brain. If you can manage to put on a smile, even better, because that will send ‘happiness hormones’ to your body and helps to release physical tensions. It is ok to fake it; your brain doesn’t know and doesn’t care – the effect is the same.

If you can, walk (physically) away from the situation. A quick walk or a hard workout will help you channel the adrenalin that is released to fight or flight.

Have you got a trampoline? Get on to it and start jumping! Jumping and hopping (maybe on a swiss ball) also release hormones that get you back on the road to feeling better quickly and as a result forgiveness and happiness will come even more easily and effortlessly.

If you feel like punching something, punch your pillow, a punching bag or the couch. Whatever you need to do,  get rid of it and be mindful to let it go in a way that is safe for your body, mind and soul – it will help you to clear the way to forgiveness faster.

Actions of your mind:

Forgiveness is an act of imagination. Instead of seeing or visualising yourself getting angry, acting out or even getting physical, you can quickly imagine how you walk away from the situation, do something that soothes your soul or imagine yourself calming down.

Actions of your soul:

Forgiveness does not mean to suppress your feelings. Let them out. If you feel like screaming, get in the car, the toilet or somewhere else where you are by yourself and scream, stump your feet, get some relief. You will get a clear head and you can start to think of a better way to deal with the situation.

Forgiveness is a state of awareness. It is not about denial, but one of conscious choice.

By letting go of grudges, you will find yourself moving away from defining your worthiness by other people’s action. You will be able to draw on powerful resources that make you feel better, in tune with yourself and the universe.

As a result you will feel peaceful and in control of your feelings instead of being controlled by them. You will feel in charge and you are, because it is your own responsibility

The act of Forgiving

Forgiveness can be challenging for the very reason, that often it is not done in one go. Some events need to be forgiven daily before we can heal.

Forgiveness is a divine act that helps us to connect with our spirit, with who we really are. It is one way to experience ourselves and an opportunity to realise that we are spiritual beings who live in a physical body and have human emotions – and choice.

When I spoke to the elderly part in my family to wish them a Happy New Year, I asked whether they had made any New Year’s Resolutions.

The answers were quite shocking: “I am not setting any goals, I will take life as it comes.” or “Why would I want to make any resolutions, if I won’t achieve them anyway?”  or ” I have set resolutions before and did not achieve them. Why should it be different this time?”

So what are the ingredients for not only setting powerful goals, but also making sure you will accomplish them? The 3 Steps to Accomplish This New Year’s Resolutions may give you the answer you have been looking for.

1. Make sure your resolutions meet the S.M.A.R.T.I.E. conditions

When I hear that someone is not setting goals, a quote from Greg Anderson comes to my mind:

When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing — then we truly live life.

I have met a number of people who told me that they find it stressful to set goals for themselves. They assume that goal setting is only for those who thrive to be successful, that it is something mysterious or even unethical.

“You gotta work hard for your money, son!” or “The one who flies high will eventually fall deep”, are sayings that support that thinking and I can imagine how ‘setting goals’ becomes a weird and mystic task, something that only bosses or the rich and famous do.

In “The Strangest Secret“, Earl Nightingale is talking about success and why so many people don’t achieve it. He says that “These people believe that their lives are shaped by circumstances, by things that happen to them, by exterior forces. They are auto directed people.”

There is  an expression that I heard on a number of personal development workshops that support that thought:

If you don’t have goals for yourself, others will have goals for you.

Benjamin A. Mays put it this way:

It must be born in mind that the tragedy of life does not lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy of life lies in having no goal to reach.

Kahlil Gibran (“The Prophet“) said:

By losing your goal, you have lost your way.

So how do you set a powerful goal? First you have to make sure that it complies with the SMARTIE criteria:

S – Specific and Simple

Make it simple and specific. “I don’t want to be alone” is a simple statement, but it is far from being specific. With goal setting it is important to say what you want, not what you don’t want.

Have you ever heard the expression “What you focus on is what you get”? That’s what Specific and Simple is about: Say not what you don’t want, but what you want. Focus on the positive.

How would you like not to be alone? Do you want a partner, a lover, children, grand children, a friend, be part of a club or the community? What do you want, specifically?

M – Measurable

This one goes hand in hand with the one above. “I want more money” is simple, positive and more or less specific, but it is not measurable. How much is more? Is it one dollar or 10, 100 or thousands?

Make sure there is a number involved. In case it can’t be measured by numbers, imagine a scale from 1-10, where 10 is where you want to be. What are the criteria that need to be fulfilled for you to be at a 10? Write them down as a tick-off list.

A – Achievable and Attainable by you, As if now

Again, make it your goal, one that you can achieve by yourself. It is not about your partner, family, child or the world, it is not someone else’s goal, it is yours!

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. – Babatunde Olatunji

Some languages have no grammar for future or past. They totally live in the here and now. Use present tense when you write down your goal. “I am…, I have…” are the most powerful words on earth, in any language.

R – Realistic

If you have set goals before and not achieved them, maybe they have been set too high. Making a million in a year could be a bit challenging if you are earning 50.000 a year and have no savings and no plan.

On the other side, if you have always achieved your goals without effort, challenge your self. Stretch a little further than comfortable, you will grow into it.

T – Time frame

Give your goal a time frame, have a date involved. “By December 31st 2010 …” or “the 15th of May2015…” will make your goal even more measurable, specific and easy to plan for.

I – Inspirational

Often money comes up in goal setting. But is it really about the money? I don’t think so. Generally it is about what you can or want to do with the money. What is it that inspires you to get up? What motivates you to persevere when times get tough?

When a goal is not about money but what really inspires you, you may suddenly find other ways to achieve it.

Be open and allow the universe or God to provide for you in whatever way they may think is appropriate. Extend your opportunities by making your goal inspirational.

E – Evidence and Endstep

What is the final thing that needs to happen for you to know that you have achieved your goal? What is the picture that you see, what do you hear or tell yourself, how do you feel?

What is the evidence that proofs you have made it? For example when do you know you have lost enough weight? Is it when you see a certain number standing on your scale? When you fit in your favourite dress or pants? When you have achieved a certain fat percentage? Or when the tape measure shows a specific number?

Make your Evidence and Endstep very clear and involve as many senses as possible: see, hear, feel, smell or taste your success.

2. Check whether they stand the C.A.R.Y. criteria

By now your goals or resolutions should be very powerful already.

Check again whether they stand the CARY criteria with these four questions:

C – Is your goal or resolution something you can CONTROL?
A – Is this goal what this is really ABOUT?
R – Is this goal something that you REALLY want?
Y – Are you doing this for YOURSELF?

If you say “YES!” to all four, congratulations. You are only one step away from accomplishing this year’s resolutions. Here is the final step:

3. Create a strategy that supports you when the going gets tough

Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success. – Stephen A. Brennan

When we study why most people fail to accomplish their new year’s resolutions, two things again and again come up as obviously being the main reasons for will later be called failure:

Lack of plan and lack of action.

Brian Tracy said:

The most important key to achieving great success is to decide upon your goal and launch, get started, take action, move.

By now you have decided on your goal. In order to launch, to start your journey, it is important to have a GPS or roadmap.

What is your strategy? Will you go by foot, bike, car, ship, plane? Will you need a partner or a team? What kind of equipment is necessary? Have you got enough power or fuel? Where will you stay or have a rest? Do you need to book something in advance? What if there are unexpected road works, delays, or other obstacles? Have you got a Plan B?

Having a functional strategy is a crucial ingredient to accomplish a goal. It will help you to stay on track or get back on it easily after you have hit a hitch.

One word about obstacles: when you are on your way, it may excite you to hear that humps are in fact a good sign. They mean that you are moving towards your goal, because otherwise you would not come across them. The more you hit, the better. With each one it is more likely that after the next you will bump into your goal.

Keep on going, persevere! Remember what inspired you to set the goal in first place. You have made your goal inspirational, have you?

When a goal matters enough to a person, that person will find a way to accomplish what at first seemed impossible. – Nido Qubein

Still, I understand that sometimes everything seems to be too hard. It is challenging to keep the motivation high when all you see is stop signs.

Here is one more secret weapon to accomplish any resolution or goal once and for all:

Find yourself someone who will

• hold you accountable,
• help you to design your strategy,
• lift you up when you’re feeling down,
• keep the faith in you when you don’t,
• cheer when do,
• help you to reconnect with your resources when you think you have none left,
• give you a kick when you need it most and no one else would dare to do it,
• care for you but is not emotionally attached to you,
• make sure you will walk the talk

This can be a really good friend, a remote relative, a colleague or professional in the same industry, a mentor or a coach. Make sure that they know what you want to achieve and why, how you want them to hold you accountable, what would motivate you and what would not.

Athletes and other professionals are choosing coaches for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You can too. Accountability Coaching is one of the powerful strategies we at Transition Guidance use to make sure you will accomplish this year’s resolutions and make 2010 your best year ever.

What are your resolutions or goals for this year?
How do you make sure you accomplish them?
How will you celebrate your success?

Please leave your comment below for the inspiration of others. Who knows, maybe you will be able to hook up with someone like-minded?

S – Specific and Simple

Make it simple and specific. “I don’t want to be alone” is a simple statement, but it is far from being specific. With goal setting it is important to say what you want, not what you don’t want.

Have you ever heard the expression “What you focus on is what you get”? That’s what Specific and Simple is about: Say not what you don’t want, but what you want. Focus on the positive.

How would you like not to be alone? Do you want a partner, a lover, children, grand children, a friend, be part of a club or the community? What do you want, specifically?

M – Measurable

This one goes hand in hand with the one above. “I want more money” is simple, positive and more or less specific, but it is not measurable. How much is more? Is it one dollar or 10, 100 or thousands?

Make sure there is a number involved. In case it can’t be measured by numbers, imagine a scale from 1-10, where 10 is where you want to be. What are the criteria that need to be fulfilled for you to be at a 10? Write them down as a tick-off list.

A – Achievable and Attainable by you, As if now

Again, make it your goal, one that you can achieve by yourself. It is not about your partner, family, child or the world, it is not someone else’s goal, it is yours!

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. – Babatunde Olatunji

Some languages haven’t even got grammar for future or past. They totally live in the here and now. Use present tense when you write down your goal. “I am…, I have…” are the most powerful words on earth, in any language.

R – Realistic

If you have set goals before and not achieved them, maybe they have been set too high. Making a million in a year could be a bit challenging if you are earning 50.000 a year and have no savings and no plan.

On the other side, if you have always achieved your goals without effort, it may be time to challenge your self. Stretch a little further than comfortable, you will grow into it.

T – Time frame

Give your goal a time frame, have a date involved. “By December 31st 2010 …” or “the 15th of May2015…” will make your goal even more measurable, specific and easy to plan for.

I – Inspirational

Often money comes up in goal setting. But is it really about the money? I don’t think so. Generally it is about what you can or want to do with the money. What is it that inspires you to get up? What motivates you to persevere when times get tough?

When a goal is not about money but what really inspires you, you may suddenly find other ways to achieve it.

Be open and allow the universe or God to provide for you in whatever way they may think is appropriate. Extend your opportunities by making your goal inspirational.

E – Evidence and Endstep

What is the final thing that needs to happen for you to know that you have achieved your goal? What is the picture that you see, what do you hear or tell yourself, how do you feel?

What is the evidence that proofs you have made it? For example when do you know you have lost enough weight? Is it when you see a certain number standing on your scale? When you fit in your favourite dress or pants? When you have achieved a certain fat percentage? Or when the tape measure shows a specific number?

Make your Evidence and Endstep very clear and involve as many senses as possible: see, hear, feel, smell or taste your success.