It was perfect timing.

Yesterday a friend of mine send me an e-mail, reminding me about choice. We are choosing everything that comes into our life – consciously or unconsciously. We choose our reactions, we choose our thoughts, we choose our job, our partner, friends, associates and we choose our emotions.

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Any choice is our own responsibility. We CAN choose the meaning we give or how we want to react to the things that happen, how we want to feel or respond. So the question is, what do we choose?

As I said, this email was a great reminder and came at the perfect time.

Two days ago I have ‘lost a baby’. Well, it was not yet a baby, merely a foetus, as I was only in the early stages of pregnancy and there had not been much bonding yet. Still it felt like a big loss to me – then.

Being in physical pain, I was looking for distraction. First I cancelled all appointments to allow time for my body to heal. Then I made a few phone calls to share the ‘sad news’ with my close friends. After some logistic arrangements were sorted to pick up my son from school, there was nothing left to consider but me and my thoughts.

The lady at the reception had suggested to get home and watch all the movies that I hadn’t had time to watch for a while. Even though I liked the idea, it was hard to choose which one would be appropriate, even more with a limited DVD library like ours. (I even felt almost ‘guilty’ for sitting and watching while my husband was working)

So I went through some of my usual favourites that I can normally watch at any time:

The Birdcage – too funny. Legends Of The Fall – too sad.
Forrest Gump – too innocent. Don Juan de Marco – too sexy.
A Disney, Pixar or Dreamworks movie – after the 1000th time: too boring. X-Men, Spiderman, Batman – too exciting.
Lord of the Rings – too gloomy and melancholic (would there be time for the whole trilogy anyway??). Dirty Dancing – too shallow (and with an intentional abortion too inappropriate!).
Chocolat – wonderful, but just not right.

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button – Just right! And just recently arrived from Germany, it was great to watch it in my mother language and get some of the little distinctions that got lost in translation at the movies.

Still – the inevitable thoughts and questions can be postponed, but they come back to bite when the distraction is gone. So I chose to surrender.

I went through the thoughts that came up:

In relation to BODY:

Am I too old? Couldn’t I give enough nutrients? Am I not fit enough? Are my eggs too weak? Would the child have been disabled?

In relation to MIND:

Did I worry too much? Did I focus on the negative things that could happen? Was it a girl who didn’t want to stay because I wished for another boy? What if….?

In relation to SPIRIT:

Did this little soul not feel welcome? Was it there to tell me something and what could that be?

There are countless possible answers to these questions, all of which could be right as much as they could be wrong.

So it was on me to make a choice:

Will I give in to grief and blame or will I accept the gifts of the event?

Looking back I decided that I have had enough attention and self-pity to  please the ego and that is was time to move forward.

So I choose to believe that this little soul wanted to give me the opportunity to revise my life, especially in terms of my family and my business.
There are a lot of decisions to be made in relation to both that I procrastinated (yes, I do this too!) to address, to act on or to consider.

I chose to believe that it is the chance for me to increase my fitness, to actually start the journey of transforming my body to how I want it to be and to become healthier overall.

I chose to believe that I I have not lost a baby, but finally found the ‘trusted source’ I have been looking for to talk to and that ‘Anna’ (how I wish to call the little soul) has come into my life to let me know that she is there to help me find some answers and define my purpose even clearer.

I chose to believe that this was a blessing and I chose to be grateful for the experience.

In life we don’t get what we want, we get what we expect.

(original source unknown, quoted by Chris Howard)

I was hoping for a sign and I got it in an unexpected way, but it reminded me that we can expect answers if we dare to ask and if we are willing to take responsibility for our choices. This is why I consciously choose to raise my standards and get very clear about my expectations from this life.

My message to you today is simple: don’t wait for a defining moment to remind you that you have all it takes to take your life in your hands.

Why am I sharing such a personal experience?

My hope is that by sharing this I can maybe help to raise the awareness that we always have a choice – at least how we choose to respond to what is happening to or around us. If that makes only one person question their current perception that “there is nothing I can do” and that helps to realise that we are much more powerful than we think we are, it maybe makes his or her day.

If that person than realises that it is time to step up and move out of the publicly so well accepted victim mentality that keeps your personal energy on a low level, it will make my day.

If this person than becomes who he or she really is, who knows whose day this will make?

We are role models for someone – how not to do it or how to do it. Will you live with your light dimmed or will you shine?

Your turn

Make a conscious choice today to design your own destiny. You are the master of your life. Skip the yeah-buts, the what-ifs and the couldna, shouldna, wouldna…

To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there. – Kofi Annan

If the ‘WHY’ is big enough, the ‘HOW’ will take care of itself.

Transition Guidance is here to help you find, refine or re-define your why and to align it with your values (what you stand for), so that everything you do will move you towards this purpose (who you are) and achieving your goals (where you want to go).

To find out where you have made the (conscious or unconscious) choice to give your personal power away and how to make your own choices, apply for a free “Who’s Driving Your Bus”-assessment via phone (07 4774 8146 or 0439 265 230) or e-mail (info[at]transitionguidance.com) today.

Please share your thoughts, any insights or similar stories below. Your input is much appreciated.

S – Specific and Simple

Make it simple and specific. “I don’t want to be alone” is a simple statement, but it is far from being specific. With goal setting it is important to say what you want, not what you don’t want.

Have you ever heard the expression “What you focus on is what you get”? That’s what Specific and Simple is about: Say not what you don’t want, but what you want. Focus on the positive.

How would you like not to be alone? Do you want a partner, a lover, children, grand children, a friend, be part of a club or the community? What do you want, specifically?

M – Measurable

This one goes hand in hand with the one above. “I want more money” is simple, positive and more or less specific, but it is not measurable. How much is more? Is it one dollar or 10, 100 or thousands?

Make sure there is a number involved. In case it can’t be measured by numbers, imagine a scale from 1-10, where 10 is where you want to be. What are the criteria that need to be fulfilled for you to be at a 10? Write them down as a tick-off list.

A – Achievable and Attainable by you, As if now

Again, make it your goal, one that you can achieve by yourself. It is not about your partner, family, child or the world, it is not someone else’s goal, it is yours!

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. – Babatunde Olatunji

Some languages haven’t even got grammar for future or past. They totally live in the here and now. Use present tense when you write down your goal. “I am…, I have…” are the most powerful words on earth, in any language.

R – Realistic

If you have set goals before and not achieved them, maybe they have been set too high. Making a million in a year could be a bit challenging if you are earning 50.000 a year and have no savings and no plan.

On the other side, if you have always achieved your goals without effort, it may be time to challenge your self. Stretch a little further than comfortable, you will grow into it.

T – Time frame

Give your goal a time frame, have a date involved. “By December 31st 2010 …” or “the 15th of May2015…” will make your goal even more measurable, specific and easy to plan for.

I – Inspirational

Often money comes up in goal setting. But is it really about the money? I don’t think so. Generally it is about what you can or want to do with the money. What is it that inspires you to get up? What motivates you to persevere when times get tough?

When a goal is not about money but what really inspires you, you may suddenly find other ways to achieve it.

Be open and allow the universe or God to provide for you in whatever way they may think is appropriate. Extend your opportunities by making your goal inspirational.

E – Evidence and Endstep

What is the final thing that needs to happen for you to know that you have achieved your goal? What is the picture that you see, what do you hear or tell yourself, how do you feel?

What is the evidence that proofs you have made it? For example when do you know you have lost enough weight? Is it when you see a certain number standing on your scale? When you fit in your favourite dress or pants? When you have achieved a certain fat percentage? Or when the tape measure shows a specific number?

Make your Evidence and Endstep very clear and involve as many senses as possible: see, hear, feel, smell or taste your success.

When we are little, we adopt our parents’ values as our own, before we become influenced by our friends, their parents, religion, culture and other social groups and communities.

At times, our values may change and what we held true as children is no longer valid. This is often an unconscious process that only gets realised when some of our values either conflict with each other or with what we (have to or choose to) do, for example at work.

A values alignment gives you clarity about the values that you have currently and the ones you wish or need to have (for example if you start a business or need to get out of a relationship), brings them into the most appropriate order and helps you to make your values strong and supportive in order to achieve your goal(s).