How often have you heard it or even thought or said it yourself today?

We may use other words, but the statement is the same. We experience a lot of stress from the moment we get out of bed until we – often exhausted – fall back into it and even beyond.

Constant stress is one of the most serious causes for un-resourceful behaviour that initiates even more stress.

But is stress really our enemy?

In fact, stress is a very important factor when it comes to survival, because it helps the body to prepare for fight or flight.

The purpose of stress is to enable us to react to a stressor (stress factor), allowing us to quickly adapt to changing circumstances.

Stress also supports our development, because every effort and solution requires a certain amount of stress energy. It brings out the best in us. Top performances wouldn’t be possible without it, as they require a controlled amount of stress.

Like with many things it is the ‘too much’ that is harmful for body, mind and soul. Stress can only be useful, when it is controlled, managed, and dealt with resourcefully.

But how do we do that?

There are three starting points for stress management:

1. Stressors – changing your environment

Knowing what stresses you is a good place to start with. Once you know that, you can then work on ways to either eliminate, reduce or even avoid your stress factors.

For example you could

• turn off the phone or radio during a break, meeting or when you want to have some ‘me-time’ (eliminate)
• turn down the volume of phone, radio or other devices or shut the door to reduce noise when you need to work concentrated (reduce)or
• take another route to work, start earlier or later or even switch your way of transportation completely to public transport if you want to avoid the rush hour or road rage

2. ‘Self-Management’ – managing your stress response

Managing your stress response means learning how to create long-term health and wellbeing strategies and a resourceful attitude to

• cultivate or increase resistance (through active relaxation
• develop skills for an optimistic, positive mindset
• change the perception of the situation

3. ‘Agitation management’ – finding ways for an immediate response adjustment

In an acute stress situation it is useful to be able to refer back to more resourceful short-term techniques to influence your immediate response in order to avoid agitation peaks or the build-up of (negative) spiralling effects.

Short term health and wellbeing strategy options to reduce, cope with or prevent stress include

• Spontaneous relaxation
• Perception channelling
• Positive self-talk
• Venting -release from immediate pressure

Great natural and non-invasive alternatives to drugs, alcohol, medication, smoking or other health compromising choices are systematic muscle relaxation, autogenic training or breathing techniques, asking yourself power-questions or learning how to use self-suggestions or affirmations effectively.

In the long run, prevention is better than cure and dealing with the effects of stress is essential. Stress is always individual and usually home made, which means it is a learned behaviour or results from impractical habits.

The good thing is that every learned behaviour or behavioural pattern can also be unlearned, replaced or changed.

Stress can impact your body, mind and spirit on four levels:

1. Cognitive level – all mental processes – thoughts and senses
2. Emotional level – all feelings and sensitivities
3. Vegetal-hormonal level – all reactions of the autonomous nervous system and the connected organ processes that are normally not consciously controlled, like hormones
4. Muscular level – reactions of the muscular skeleton system, those that can be controlled consciously

This means that different stressors require different stress responses. How you experience stress mainly will give you a good indicator how to best deal with it.

For long-term health and wellbeing you may want to consider a strategy that involves relaxation (regular massages, meditation in motion…) or intentional exercises to calm the mind and strengthen the body, creating a supportive network or attending personal development workshops or seminars that teach self-management and life leadership skills.

With knowledge always comes responsibility,which is why some people choose to rather not pursue to find out what they are uniquely designed to do.

Many ask themselves “What will happen if I find out what my purpose is but fail to live/achieve it?” instead of embracing the opportunity to experience a life that is filled with meaning and  – well, purpose.

It sure takes courage, determination, commitment, most likely a lot of perseverance and sometimes support and guidance to perform such a task.

So here is a simple 5-step process, as explained in an easy-to-remember analogy on five fingers by Mat Boggs, that can help you to become aware of a destination that can spark an amazing journey called living on purpose:

1. Thumbs UP – Joy

The thumb stands for the things that you enjoy most.

What are the things that bring spark into you your life? What gives you natural joy?
If you have a day that you can spend as you like, what are the things that you would choose to do?

These are natural preferences that tie in beautifully with your purpose, even though it may not be very obvious how.

2. Index finger – Priority

Your Index finger points out your precedents.

What are your highest priorities in life? What do you value most in terms of your relationships, your work, social connections, life in general?

Your core virtues and what you value most are always aligned with your purpose

3. Middle finger (keep it down) – Fear

What is it that ignites fear in you? What tasks would make a huge difference in your life if you only were not so afraid of doing them?

Purpose is all about growth and expression. To keep you safe, your unconscious mind will look out for anything that it considers a thread to staying in your comfort zone and disguises it as “fear”.

When you start to investigate what is really holding you back you will be surprised to realise that more often than the fear of failure it is the fear of success that keeps you from achieving your goals.

4. Ring finger – Commitment

The fourth finger stands for your commitments.

What do you spend hours doing that feels like minutes? When are you loosing track of time? What do you do that others experience work but for you it’s play?

What could you talk about to people even if they aren’t really interested in what you have to say? What are you passionate about?

If you had a room that you could design specifically to suit your passion, what would it look like?

5. Little finger – Talent

Your little finger represents your talents.

What comes easy to you that others may find challenging? What do you have a natural talent for? When others come to you to ask for help, what is it they are expecting from you? What is it that do better than them? What´s the pattern?

Your talents will also always be aligned with your purpose.

Sometimes it is more difficult for us to see our talents than it is for those around us, because they are so natural and a matter of course for us, that we simply take them for granted and expect it to be that way for everyone.

If you experience these difficulties, simply ask your 5-10 best friends to independently write down what they think your 10 best talents are, then compare their answers. They may be very surprising!

So here you’ve got the 5-finger test that can give you some clues about your purpose.

Still without a clue?

If you are still absolute clueless because the test did not reveal anything to you, you might need support to dig even deeper than you dare to do on your own. You may very well be very close to uncovering your purpose, which might sound the alarm bell in your ego.

You always have the choice of opting out here and pretending that “others may have a purpose but I don’t and to be honest I don’t want to know!”, but there will always be the underlying question:

“What if….?”

What if you found your purpose and suddenly your life would make sense?

What if you finally knew how to best use your talents and live a life on your terms?

What if knowing your purpose would fill your life with meaning where there was none before?

What if finally knowing what you are designed to do would give you the peace and contentedness you have been searching, praying and hoping for so long?

What if not (daring  to) find you purpose will be the one thing that you will regret most at the end of your life?

There a many books out there that talk about finding your purpose. One I like to recommend is Tim Kelley`s True Purpose – 12 Strategies for Discovering the Difference You Are Meant to Make. It offers different strategies to choose from and gives explanations about the how, what, why, what-if question we face when we start pursuing our purpose.

Trying to discover your purpose can be challenging for many reasons. Having someone to hold you responsible for your commitments, to guide you when you are stuck, to explore with you why and challenge you when you get stuck or even just to acknowledge you when you have a breakthrough can make a huge difference.

Knowing that, Tim Kelley has trained a selected number of Purpose Coaches and I had the honour to work with one of them when I made the decision to take my life to another level.

Shiona Long, from Authentic Success, is one very talented and gifted Purpose Coach, who is walking the talk with passion and integrity. She patiently supported and challenged me on my journey of finding my purpose, which was the most important decision I ever made and the one that made me realise that there is a reason why I am who I am.

It was a wonderful, challenging, eye-opening, sometimes scary discovery.

I wish for you that discovering your purpose will be the key to unlock your potential, so that you can start or continue to even more purposefully let your unique light shine with courage, and as a result of that help to make this world a better place.

Tim Kelley promises 12 Strategies for Discovering the Difference You Are Meant to Make and he delivers.

I could not agree more with Helen Palmer, the author of The Enneagram who says:

“Tim Kelley’s work is of the highest caliber. His insight, precision and skill shine out from a field that is typically hazy. If you are called to explore the realm of purpose, I know of no better guide than Tim.”

What I really like about this work is that Tim starts where many others leave you lost:

He is not only talking about the importance or the impact that finding your purpose can have on your life, he shows you how to do it.

I appreciate that while showing how to discover your trusted source, the author does offer suggestions but leaves it up to the reader where to find it, which means that whether or not you belong to any kind of religion, you will be able to talk to an entity that you can refer to.

Although initially I found it very challenging to read the book chapter wise and work through each one before moving to the next as my coach had instructed, this seems to be the most valuable approach.

The guidance from my coach Shiona Long from Authentic Success, who is an accredited facilitator for Tim Kelley’s purpose work, has been absolutely incredible to make this a book that will always be close to my heart as the one that provides me with invaluable insights about myself, discovering who I truly am and the difference I am here to make.

If discipline is challenging you or you have never had any kind of coaching before, I recommend finding a facilitator to guide you through the book, so that you get the most out of it. However, if you are familiar with conversations (like prayer) to a higher entity (God, angels, Buddha…) or meditation, you will get a lot from this book by working through it yourself too.

A must for anyone who wants to take their life back in their hands, discover what their blessing and mission is and how to make a powerful statement about the difference you are meant to make.

And You Can Say The Words – Like You Understand
But The Power’s In Believing  So Give Yourself A Chance

‘Cause You Can Climb The Highest Mountain -  Swim The Deepest Sea, Hee
All You Need Is The Will To Want It
And a little Self-Esteem

So Keep The Faith
Don’t Let Nobody Turn You ‘Round
You Gotta Know When It’s Good To Go
To Get Your Dreams Up Off The Ground

Keep The Faith, Baby, Yeah
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time
Before Your Confidence Will Win Out

Believe In Yourself No Matter What It Will’ Take
You Can Be A Winner But You Got To Keep The Faith

…Go Keep It Brother You Got It

And When You Think Of Trust -  Does It Lead You Home
To A Place That You Only Dream Of – When You’re All Alone

And You Can Learn By Feel – ‘Stead Of Circumstance
But The Power’s In Beliving – So Give Yourself A Chance

I Know That You Can Sail Across The Water
Float Above The Sky, High

Any Road That You Take Will Get You There
If You Only Try

So Keep The Faith, Ow
Don’t Let Nobody Take You Down, Brother
Just Keep Your Eyes On The Prize
And Your Feet Flat On The Ground

Keep The Faith, Baby, Yeah
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time
Before Your Confidence Will Win Out

I Told My Brother How To Do The Thing Right
Lift Up Your Head And Show The World You Got Pride
Go For What You Want
Don’t Let ‘Em Get In Your Way
You Can Be A Winner
But You Got To Keep The Faith

Go Keep It Brother
You Got It

I Know That Keepin’ The Faith
Means Never Givin’ Up On Love
But The Power That Love Has To Make It Right
Makes It Makes It Right

Keep The Faith
Don’t Let Nobody Turn You ‘Round Brother
You Got To KnowWhen It’s Good To Go
To Get Your Dreams Up ‘N Off The Ground

Keep The Faith Baby, Yea
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time
Before Your Confidence Will Win Out

Better Stand Up And Act Like You Wanna Do Right
Don’t Play The Fool For The Rest Of Your Life

Work On It Brother And You’ll Make It Someday
Go For What You Want And Don’t Forget The Faith

Look At Yourself And What You Doin’ Right Now
Stand Back A Minute Just To Check Yourself Out

Straighten Out Your Life And How You’re Livin’ Each Day
Get Yourself Together ‘Cause You Got To Keep The Faith

Don’t Let Nobody Take You Down, Brother
Just Keep Your Eyes On The Prize
And Your Feet Flat On The Ground

Keep The Faith, Baby, Yeah
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time
Before Your Confidence Will Win Out

Lift Up Your Mind Before Your Mind Gets Blown
Some Things In Life You Best Just Leave Them Alone

Go For What You Want Don’t Let It Get In Your Way
You Can Make It Happen But You Got To Keep The Faith

Go Keep It Brother
You Got To Keep The Faith
Yeah Keep The Faith
Go Keep It Sister
You Got To Keep The Faith
Now, Now

I’ll Show My Brotha How To Do The Thing Right
Lift Up Your Head And Show The World You Got Pride

Go For What You Want
Don’t Let ‘Em Get In Your Way
You Can Be A Winner
If You’re Keeping The Faith

Straighten Out Yourself And Get Your Mind On Track
Dust Off Your Butt And Get Your Self-Respect Back

You’ve Known Me Long Enough
To Know That I Don’t Play
Take It Like You Want It
But You Got To Keep The Faith Go

Don’t Let Nobody Take You Down
Just Keep Your Eyes On The Prize
And Get Your Feet Back On The Ground

Keep The Faith, Baby, Yeah
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time

Before Your Confidence Will Win Out
But Till That Day I Said You’ve Got To Keep The Faith!

Popular examples for an external universal trusted sources are God, Jesus, Mary, Allah, Buddha, Mohammed, Odin, Zeus, Grace, …
Their main characteristic is that they would know everybody’s purpose or answers to each person’s questions about life.

An external personal source could be a deceased loved one or a personal angel who is specifically assigned to you and only knows and cares about your purpose, no one else’s.

an internal source is something that you see as being a part of your self (but NOT your unconscious mind). It is an aspect of your psyche that can provide the answers you are looking for in terms of your purpose or other important aspects of your life.

There are three criteria that need to be fulfilled in order to define a trusted source:

You need to believe that

• it exists
• it already knows your purpose
• you can communicate with each other

You can learn more about trusted source and 12 Strategies for Discovering the Difference You Are Meant to Make in Tim Kelley’ book True Purpose.

When I spoke to the elderly part in my family to wish them a Happy New Year, I asked whether they had made any New Year’s Resolutions.

The answers were quite shocking: “I am not setting any goals, I will take life as it comes.” or “Why would I want to make any resolutions, if I won’t achieve them anyway?”  or ” I have set resolutions before and did not achieve them. Why should it be different this time?”

So what are the ingredients for not only setting powerful goals, but also making sure you will accomplish them? The 3 Steps to Accomplish This New Year’s Resolutions may give you the answer you have been looking for.

1. Make sure your resolutions meet the S.M.A.R.T.I.E. conditions

When I hear that someone is not setting goals, a quote from Greg Anderson comes to my mind:

When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing — then we truly live life.

I have met a number of people who told me that they find it stressful to set goals for themselves. They assume that goal setting is only for those who thrive to be successful, that it is something mysterious or even unethical.

“You gotta work hard for your money, son!” or “The one who flies high will eventually fall deep”, are sayings that support that thinking and I can imagine how ‘setting goals’ becomes a weird and mystic task, something that only bosses or the rich and famous do.

In “The Strangest Secret“, Earl Nightingale is talking about success and why so many people don’t achieve it. He says that “These people believe that their lives are shaped by circumstances, by things that happen to them, by exterior forces. They are auto directed people.”

There is  an expression that I heard on a number of personal development workshops that support that thought:

If you don’t have goals for yourself, others will have goals for you.

Benjamin A. Mays put it this way:

It must be born in mind that the tragedy of life does not lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy of life lies in having no goal to reach.

Kahlil Gibran (“The Prophet“) said:

By losing your goal, you have lost your way.

So how do you set a powerful goal? First you have to make sure that it complies with the SMARTIE criteria:

S – Specific and Simple

Make it simple and specific. “I don’t want to be alone” is a simple statement, but it is far from being specific. With goal setting it is important to say what you want, not what you don’t want.

Have you ever heard the expression “What you focus on is what you get”? That’s what Specific and Simple is about: Say not what you don’t want, but what you want. Focus on the positive.

How would you like not to be alone? Do you want a partner, a lover, children, grand children, a friend, be part of a club or the community? What do you want, specifically?

M – Measurable

This one goes hand in hand with the one above. “I want more money” is simple, positive and more or less specific, but it is not measurable. How much is more? Is it one dollar or 10, 100 or thousands?

Make sure there is a number involved. In case it can’t be measured by numbers, imagine a scale from 1-10, where 10 is where you want to be. What are the criteria that need to be fulfilled for you to be at a 10? Write them down as a tick-off list.

A – Achievable and Attainable by you, As if now

Again, make it your goal, one that you can achieve by yourself. It is not about your partner, family, child or the world, it is not someone else’s goal, it is yours!

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. – Babatunde Olatunji

Some languages have no grammar for future or past. They totally live in the here and now. Use present tense when you write down your goal. “I am…, I have…” are the most powerful words on earth, in any language.

R – Realistic

If you have set goals before and not achieved them, maybe they have been set too high. Making a million in a year could be a bit challenging if you are earning 50.000 a year and have no savings and no plan.

On the other side, if you have always achieved your goals without effort, challenge your self. Stretch a little further than comfortable, you will grow into it.

T – Time frame

Give your goal a time frame, have a date involved. “By December 31st 2010 …” or “the 15th of May2015…” will make your goal even more measurable, specific and easy to plan for.

I – Inspirational

Often money comes up in goal setting. But is it really about the money? I don’t think so. Generally it is about what you can or want to do with the money. What is it that inspires you to get up? What motivates you to persevere when times get tough?

When a goal is not about money but what really inspires you, you may suddenly find other ways to achieve it.

Be open and allow the universe or God to provide for you in whatever way they may think is appropriate. Extend your opportunities by making your goal inspirational.

E – Evidence and Endstep

What is the final thing that needs to happen for you to know that you have achieved your goal? What is the picture that you see, what do you hear or tell yourself, how do you feel?

What is the evidence that proofs you have made it? For example when do you know you have lost enough weight? Is it when you see a certain number standing on your scale? When you fit in your favourite dress or pants? When you have achieved a certain fat percentage? Or when the tape measure shows a specific number?

Make your Evidence and Endstep very clear and involve as many senses as possible: see, hear, feel, smell or taste your success.

2. Check whether they stand the C.A.R.Y. criteria

By now your goals or resolutions should be very powerful already.

Check again whether they stand the CARY criteria with these four questions:

C – Is your goal or resolution something you can CONTROL?
A – Is this goal what this is really ABOUT?
R – Is this goal something that you REALLY want?
Y – Are you doing this for YOURSELF?

If you say “YES!” to all four, congratulations. You are only one step away from accomplishing this year’s resolutions. Here is the final step:

3. Create a strategy that supports you when the going gets tough

Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success. – Stephen A. Brennan

When we study why most people fail to accomplish their new year’s resolutions, two things again and again come up as obviously being the main reasons for will later be called failure:

Lack of plan and lack of action.

Brian Tracy said:

The most important key to achieving great success is to decide upon your goal and launch, get started, take action, move.

By now you have decided on your goal. In order to launch, to start your journey, it is important to have a GPS or roadmap.

What is your strategy? Will you go by foot, bike, car, ship, plane? Will you need a partner or a team? What kind of equipment is necessary? Have you got enough power or fuel? Where will you stay or have a rest? Do you need to book something in advance? What if there are unexpected road works, delays, or other obstacles? Have you got a Plan B?

Having a functional strategy is a crucial ingredient to accomplish a goal. It will help you to stay on track or get back on it easily after you have hit a hitch.

One word about obstacles: when you are on your way, it may excite you to hear that humps are in fact a good sign. They mean that you are moving towards your goal, because otherwise you would not come across them. The more you hit, the better. With each one it is more likely that after the next you will bump into your goal.

Keep on going, persevere! Remember what inspired you to set the goal in first place. You have made your goal inspirational, have you?

When a goal matters enough to a person, that person will find a way to accomplish what at first seemed impossible. – Nido Qubein

Still, I understand that sometimes everything seems to be too hard. It is challenging to keep the motivation high when all you see is stop signs.

Here is one more secret weapon to accomplish any resolution or goal once and for all:

Find yourself someone who will

• hold you accountable,
• help you to design your strategy,
• lift you up when you’re feeling down,
• keep the faith in you when you don’t,
• cheer when do,
• help you to reconnect with your resources when you think you have none left,
• give you a kick when you need it most and no one else would dare to do it,
• care for you but is not emotionally attached to you,
• make sure you will walk the talk

This can be a really good friend, a remote relative, a colleague or professional in the same industry, a mentor or a coach. Make sure that they know what you want to achieve and why, how you want them to hold you accountable, what would motivate you and what would not.

Athletes and other professionals are choosing coaches for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You can too. Accountability Coaching is one of the powerful strategies we at Transition Guidance use to make sure you will accomplish this year’s resolutions and make 2010 your best year ever.

What are your resolutions or goals for this year?
How do you make sure you accomplish them?
How will you celebrate your success?

Please leave your comment below for the inspiration of others. Who knows, maybe you will be able to hook up with someone like-minded?

When we are little, we adopt our parents’ values as our own, before we become influenced by our friends, their parents, religion, culture and other social groups and communities.

At times, our values may change and what we held true as children is no longer valid. This is often an unconscious process that only gets realised when some of our values either conflict with each other or with what we (have to or choose to) do, for example at work.

A values alignment gives you clarity about the values that you have currently and the ones you wish or need to have (for example if you start a business or need to get out of a relationship), brings them into the most appropriate order and helps you to make your values strong and supportive in order to achieve your goal(s).

If your only goal is to become rich, you will never achieve it. – John D. Rockefeller

Wealth is so much more than having money. Wealth is about sharing, contributing, giving back. That can be financially, emotionally or spiritually. Creating financial wealth won’t work without a bigger picture, which makes wealth creation a tool for a greater purpose.

Browse for book recommendations from Amazon.com related to Wealth Creation or have a look at the ones listed here

My favourite Wealth Creation book of all times:

WINK – A parabel for wealth beyond words

WINK is a modern day parable of a nine year old boy being raised by his carpenter father who is sick and tired. Every day for the last 20 years the carpenter has visited the Well of Wealth and spent a dollar, believing that if he gives generously to the Well, it will give generously to him in return. …read full review

It is going to be a space, that is more than just a room defined by walls. It is a ‘dance floor’, where you can let go of what is holding you back, connect to new or hidden resources within you that you have not discovered yet and finally start to create your new future with inspiration and empowerment.