If you are looking for a parenting handbook, look no further. The Family Virtues Guide written by Linda Kavelin Popov offers you a manual that delivers the best foundation possible of how to raise a child in any culture or society.

Her ‘Simple Ways to Bring Out the Best in Our Children and Ourselves’ contain valuable insights in who our children really are, parenting principles and practices and how to apply The Family Virtues Guide in your family.

A description of 52 ‘Gifts Within’  helps to understand each virtue, why to practice it, how to practice it, how to recognise when a virtue is practised and when it needs more attention as well as an affirmation and a drawing to visualise an example.

It is a book that should be given or at least recommended to each new parent – the earlier the better.

Have a look inside and find out why The Family Virtues Guide is one of those books that have the potential to make the world a better place – one person at a time!

If You Call Out Loud – Will It Get Inside
Through The Heart Of Your Surrender – To Your Alibis

And You Can Say The Words – Like You Understand
But The Power’s In Believing  So Give Yourself A Chance

‘Cause You Can Climb The Highest Mountain -  Swim The Deepest Sea, Hee
All You Need Is The Will To Want It
And a little Self-Esteem

So Keep The Faith
Don’t Let Nobody Turn You ‘Round
You Gotta Know When It’s Good To Go
To Get Your Dreams Up Off The Ground

Keep The Faith, Baby, Yeah
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time
Before Your Confidence Will Win Out

Believe In Yourself No Matter What It Will’ Take
You Can Be A Winner But You Got To Keep The Faith

…Go Keep It Brother You Got It

And When You Think Of Trust -  Does It Lead You Home
To A Place That You Only Dream Of – When You’re All Alone

And You Can Learn By Feel – ‘Stead Of Circumstance
But The Power’s In Beliving – So Give Yourself A Chance

I Know That You Can Sail Across The Water
Float Above The Sky, High

Any Road That You Take Will Get You There
If You Only Try

So Keep The Faith, Ow
Don’t Let Nobody Take You Down, Brother
Just Keep Your Eyes On The Prize
And Your Feet Flat On The Ground

Keep The Faith, Baby, Yeah
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time
Before Your Confidence Will Win Out

I Told My Brother How To Do The Thing Right
Lift Up Your Head And Show The World You Got Pride
Go For What You Want
Don’t Let ‘Em Get In Your Way
You Can Be A Winner
But You Got To Keep The Faith

Go Keep It Brother
You Got It

I Know That Keepin’ The Faith
Means Never Givin’ Up On Love
But The Power That Love Has To Make It Right
Makes It Makes It Right

Keep The Faith
Don’t Let Nobody Turn You ‘Round Brother
You Got To KnowWhen It’s Good To Go
To Get Your Dreams Up ‘N Off The Ground

Keep The Faith Baby, Yea
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time
Before Your Confidence Will Win Out

Better Stand Up And Act Like You Wanna Do Right
Don’t Play The Fool For The Rest Of Your Life

Work On It Brother And You’ll Make It Someday
Go For What You Want And Don’t Forget The Faith

Look At Yourself And What You Doin’ Right Now
Stand Back A Minute Just To Check Yourself Out

Straighten Out Your Life And How You’re Livin’ Each Day
Get Yourself Together ‘Cause You Got To Keep The Faith

Don’t Let Nobody Take You Down, Brother
Just Keep Your Eyes On The Prize
And Your Feet Flat On The Ground

Keep The Faith, Baby, Yeah
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time
Before Your Confidence Will Win Out

Lift Up Your Mind Before Your Mind Gets Blown
Some Things In Life You Best Just Leave Them Alone

Go For What You Want Don’t Let It Get In Your Way
You Can Make It Happen But You Got To Keep The Faith

Go Keep It Brother
You Got To Keep The Faith
Yeah Keep The Faith
Go Keep It Sister
You Got To Keep The Faith
Now, Now

I’ll Show My Brotha How To Do The Thing Right
Lift Up Your Head And Show The World You Got Pride

Go For What You Want
Don’t Let ‘Em Get In Your Way
You Can Be A Winner
If You’re Keeping The Faith

Straighten Out Yourself And Get Your Mind On Track
Dust Off Your Butt And Get Your Self-Respect Back

You’ve Known Me Long Enough
To Know That I Don’t Play
Take It Like You Want It
But You Got To Keep The Faith Go

Don’t Let Nobody Take You Down
Just Keep Your Eyes On The Prize
And Get Your Feet Back On The Ground

Keep The Faith, Baby, Yeah
Because It’s Just A Matter Of Time

Before Your Confidence Will Win Out
But Till That Day I Said You’ve Got To Keep The Faith!

In fact, responsibility is one of the key indicators to living authentically and taking your life in your own hands.

Responsibility is the thing people dread most of all. Yet it is the one thing in the world that develops us, gives us manhood or womanhood fiber. – Frank Crane

What Responsibility is not

Even though responsibility may appear to be an opportunity to load blame on someone else’s shoulder, this is not what it is about. This perception comes from misunderstanding the concept of responsibility.

When I was working in my first job as a sales representative in a (then) big company that produced, sold and maintained sewing machines, I was the PA to the Head of Department for Overseas Sales. He had a weird concept of responsibility:

Everything had to be reported to and endorsed by him, yet when something went wrong it was always us – the ones who were in “the lower hierachie” – who had to face the music.

While every day he gave us a lecture about how generously he gave us responsibility and freedom of choice how to get to a certain result, in fact there was only one way things had to be done: his.

If you are familiar with the term “This is how we do things, because they have always been done that way!”, you may be able to comprehend how not only frustrating, but also confusing it felt to get these contradictory messages.

Assigning responsibility to someone is not meant to be an excuse for having someone to blame in case something ‘goes wrong’ or does not work out as planned.
Neither is it meant to be a punishment as in “you asked for it, now deal with it”.

What is Responsibility?

Responsibility is a gift.

It is an opportunity to deal with an unexpected situation and find a satisfying solution, to make a choice how we want to respond to an event.

Things happen that we can’t control or influence, but what we can choose is our response to what is happening. Our response is always a choice.

Responsibilities gravitate to the person who can shoulder them. – Tom Stoppard

Here is an interesting equation:

Responsibility = Choice; Choice = Power;  that means:

Responsibility = Power, right? Right!

The Power is yours

The moment you choose to take on responsibility for your actions and for your non-actions is the beginning of a new life, a life that you then take in your own hands.

Feel this for a moment:
“It’s not my fault”;
“I didn’t ask for this”;
“There is nothing I can do”;

Can you see how powerless this comes across? I bet you can almost hear it being sad in a whining voice.

Now check this:
“I don’t like what happened, but what could it be good for?”
“What is the beauty/positive/learning in this?”
“How can I turn this around anyway?”

How does that feel?

Instead of reacting with a “Why me?”, how about taking on the challenge with a confident
“Bring it on – it’s me because I have the resources I need to deal with it!” Wouldn’t you agree that this is so much more powerful!

How could you change your life today if you would choose to see responsibility as a source of power?
How much more authentic could you live if you would accept that you have all the resources you need within you?
How relaxed would you be if you knew that responsibility is a gateway to peace, freedom and happiness?
What would it mean to you to know that you have everything you need to take your life in your own hands?

The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs. – Joan Didion

To find out where you have not yet fully taken responsibility for your life, send an e-mail to info[at]transitionguidance.com or call 07 4774 8146 today and ask for our free “Who’s Driving Your Bus?” assessment.

The power to take your life in your own hands can be yours. If you choose to accept the responsibility for it.

It was perfect timing.

Yesterday a friend of mine send me an e-mail, reminding me about choice. We are choosing everything that comes into our life – consciously or unconsciously. We choose our reactions, we choose our thoughts, we choose our job, our partner, friends, associates and we choose our emotions.

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Any choice is our own responsibility. We CAN choose the meaning we give or how we want to react to the things that happen, how we want to feel or respond. So the question is, what do we choose?

As I said, this email was a great reminder and came at the perfect time.

Two days ago I have ‘lost a baby’. Well, it was not yet a baby, merely a foetus, as I was only in the early stages of pregnancy and there had not been much bonding yet. Still it felt like a big loss to me – then.

Being in physical pain, I was looking for distraction. First I cancelled all appointments to allow time for my body to heal. Then I made a few phone calls to share the ‘sad news’ with my close friends. After some logistic arrangements were sorted to pick up my son from school, there was nothing left to consider but me and my thoughts.

The lady at the reception had suggested to get home and watch all the movies that I hadn’t had time to watch for a while. Even though I liked the idea, it was hard to choose which one would be appropriate, even more with a limited DVD library like ours. (I even felt almost ‘guilty’ for sitting and watching while my husband was working)

So I went through some of my usual favourites that I can normally watch at any time:

The Birdcage – too funny. Legends Of The Fall – too sad.
Forrest Gump – too innocent. Don Juan de Marco – too sexy.
A Disney, Pixar or Dreamworks movie – after the 1000th time: too boring. X-Men, Spiderman, Batman – too exciting.
Lord of the Rings – too gloomy and melancholic (would there be time for the whole trilogy anyway??). Dirty Dancing – too shallow (and with an intentional abortion too inappropriate!).
Chocolat – wonderful, but just not right.

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button – Just right! And just recently arrived from Germany, it was great to watch it in my mother language and get some of the little distinctions that got lost in translation at the movies.

Still – the inevitable thoughts and questions can be postponed, but they come back to bite when the distraction is gone. So I chose to surrender.

I went through the thoughts that came up:

In relation to BODY:

Am I too old? Couldn’t I give enough nutrients? Am I not fit enough? Are my eggs too weak? Would the child have been disabled?

In relation to MIND:

Did I worry too much? Did I focus on the negative things that could happen? Was it a girl who didn’t want to stay because I wished for another boy? What if….?

In relation to SPIRIT:

Did this little soul not feel welcome? Was it there to tell me something and what could that be?

There are countless possible answers to these questions, all of which could be right as much as they could be wrong.

So it was on me to make a choice:

Will I give in to grief and blame or will I accept the gifts of the event?

Looking back I decided that I have had enough attention and self-pity to  please the ego and that is was time to move forward.

So I choose to believe that this little soul wanted to give me the opportunity to revise my life, especially in terms of my family and my business.
There are a lot of decisions to be made in relation to both that I procrastinated (yes, I do this too!) to address, to act on or to consider.

I chose to believe that it is the chance for me to increase my fitness, to actually start the journey of transforming my body to how I want it to be and to become healthier overall.

I chose to believe that I I have not lost a baby, but finally found the ‘trusted source’ I have been looking for to talk to and that ‘Anna’ (how I wish to call the little soul) has come into my life to let me know that she is there to help me find some answers and define my purpose even clearer.

I chose to believe that this was a blessing and I chose to be grateful for the experience.

In life we don’t get what we want, we get what we expect.

(original source unknown, quoted by Chris Howard)

I was hoping for a sign and I got it in an unexpected way, but it reminded me that we can expect answers if we dare to ask and if we are willing to take responsibility for our choices. This is why I consciously choose to raise my standards and get very clear about my expectations from this life.

My message to you today is simple: don’t wait for a defining moment to remind you that you have all it takes to take your life in your hands.

Why am I sharing such a personal experience?

My hope is that by sharing this I can maybe help to raise the awareness that we always have a choice – at least how we choose to respond to what is happening to or around us. If that makes only one person question their current perception that “there is nothing I can do” and that helps to realise that we are much more powerful than we think we are, it maybe makes his or her day.

If that person than realises that it is time to step up and move out of the publicly so well accepted victim mentality that keeps your personal energy on a low level, it will make my day.

If this person than becomes who he or she really is, who knows whose day this will make?

We are role models for someone – how not to do it or how to do it. Will you live with your light dimmed or will you shine?

Your turn

Make a conscious choice today to design your own destiny. You are the master of your life. Skip the yeah-buts, the what-ifs and the couldna, shouldna, wouldna…

To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there. – Kofi Annan

If the ‘WHY’ is big enough, the ‘HOW’ will take care of itself.

Transition Guidance is here to help you find, refine or re-define your why and to align it with your values (what you stand for), so that everything you do will move you towards this purpose (who you are) and achieving your goals (where you want to go).

To find out where you have made the (conscious or unconscious) choice to give your personal power away and how to make your own choices, apply for a free “Who’s Driving Your Bus”-assessment via phone (07 4774 8146 or 0439 265 230) or e-mail (info[at]transitionguidance.com) today.

Please share your thoughts, any insights or similar stories below. Your input is much appreciated.

Often these feelings are feeding from each other, creating a downward spiral that leaves us with bitterness, as ‘victims’ and in an un-resourceful , very stressful  and often painful state.

From here, physical or mental violence, anxiety or depression can be only one step away.

When dealing with painful and stress promoting emotions, the only way to respond is with emotions  that get you in balance –  physically, mentally and spiritually. For the above feelings, one of the best and most resourceful responses is forgiveness.

The effects of forgiveness on your body

• reduces the stress and the adrenalin level (which initiates our fight or flight modus)
• lowers blood pressure (which cools down excitement)
• slows down the heart beat (which reduces the risk of heart attacks)
• decreases the risk of gall and kidney stones (which often develop through continuous  living on a high stress level)

The effects of forgiveness on your mind

• allows you to connect with your inner resources (instead of using external stimulants like sugar, alcohol or drugs)
• helps you to relate to your own power and strength (instead of giving it away)

The effects of forgiveness on your spirit

• creates a positive chain reaction of supporting emotions like understanding, compassion, connection
• enables you to feel peaceful

How do you get to a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness isn’t something that automatically comes to you, but it is a state that you can reach easily, if you commit to the process of change.

An important presupposition is to recognise and accept the value of forgiveness and how it can change your life for the better.

Forgiving is an active choice to do so. This doesn’t mean that we excuse or give permission to repeat or continue the hurting person’s behaviour. By you forgiving, it doesn’t make the hurtful action better, right or acceptable.

But it does mean that you are no longer willing to accept the state of being a victim and that you have chosen that you won’t give away your personal power, integrity and worthiness.

Actions of your body:

Take a deep breath. Sounds simple and it is. When you focus on your breath, you give your body the opportunity for a short break. A deep breathe in provides the body, especially the brain, with much needed oxygen to work more effectively and find a better solution.

It also erects the body, which in return sends signals of confidence to the brain. If you can manage to put on a smile, even better, because that will send ‘happiness hormones’ to your body and helps to release physical tensions. It is ok to fake it; your brain doesn’t know and doesn’t care – the effect is the same.

If you can, walk (physically) away from the situation. A quick walk or a hard workout will help you channel the adrenalin that is released to fight or flight.

Have you got a trampoline? Get on to it and start jumping! Jumping and hopping (maybe on a swiss ball) also release hormones that get you back on the road to feeling better quickly and as a result forgiveness and happiness will come even more easily and effortlessly.

If you feel like punching something, punch your pillow, a punching bag or the couch. Whatever you need to do,  get rid of it and be mindful to let it go in a way that is safe for your body, mind and soul – it will help you to clear the way to forgiveness faster.

Actions of your mind:

Forgiveness is an act of imagination. Instead of seeing or visualising yourself getting angry, acting out or even getting physical, you can quickly imagine how you walk away from the situation, do something that soothes your soul or imagine yourself calming down.

Actions of your soul:

Forgiveness does not mean to suppress your feelings. Let them out. If you feel like screaming, get in the car, the toilet or somewhere else where you are by yourself and scream, stump your feet, get some relief. You will get a clear head and you can start to think of a better way to deal with the situation.

Forgiveness is a state of awareness. It is not about denial, but one of conscious choice.

By letting go of grudges, you will find yourself moving away from defining your worthiness by other people’s action. You will be able to draw on powerful resources that make you feel better, in tune with yourself and the universe.

As a result you will feel peaceful and in control of your feelings instead of being controlled by them. You will feel in charge and you are, because it is your own responsibility

The act of Forgiving

Forgiveness can be challenging for the very reason, that often it is not done in one go. Some events need to be forgiven daily before we can heal.

Forgiveness is a divine act that helps us to connect with our spirit, with who we really are. It is one way to experience ourselves and an opportunity to realise that we are spiritual beings who live in a physical body and have human emotions – and choice.

What does I Ging mean?
The “I” means “changes in the flow of life energy (“Chi”) and “Ching” is the word for classic.  The I Ging is often referred to as the “Book of Changes”, and the philosophical backbone to Chinese medicine, astrology and architecture as well as physical education like T’ai Chi Chuan or Qi Gong and the principles of Feng Shui.

Where does the I Ging come from?
I Ging is the essence of 6000 years of ancient wisdom, which initially has been passed on verbally before it was eventually written down, still being polished, adjusted and refined over time.

It consists of 64 sacred hexagrams, each of them a different combination of six solid and broken lines.

Examples:

hexagram 30-fire

hexagram 47-affliction

hexagram 61-inner truth

What does it mean?

Each line has a symbolic meaning (from top to bottom):

1. Spirit (religion, tao, the end or ‘beyond’ things)
2. Structure (organising, leading, ideals)
3. Choice (decisions, finding solutions or the road)
4. Emotions (exploration and evaluation)
5. Connection (with people, finding a place in the world, environment)
6. Reality (action, matter, the way one stands on the earth, beginnings)

Using the I Ging
The I Ging can be used as an oracle, a suggestion or a guide, depending on your preferences. Working with the I Ging has become an art. In the beginning there was only a Yes or No answer, then the system has become more and more complex by broadening the possibilities for interpretation. Adding imagination again has lifted the interpretation process to another level.

Because of its complexity, it may take several attempts until the I Ging reveals the information you are looking for.

What can you  expect?
As always, what you put in is what you get out. The quality of the questions you are asking the I Ging will determine the answer you get. At the same time, a question/problem well stated is a problem half solved.

The I Ging can help find answers to questions that expect a complex answer, allow to balance two outcomes, focus on special times, ask for clarification, describe a state or situation or simply asks for a comment.

At least, the I Ging offers an opportunity for self reflection, which is always a good thing.