Forgiveness

Frustration, anger, sadness, resentment , a craving for vengeance or redress-  when we are hurt, especially by someone we care about,  respect, trust or love, those feelings come to us very easily.

Often these feelings are feeding from each other, creating a downward spiral that leaves us with bitterness, as ‘victims’ and in an un-resourceful , very stressful  and often painful state.

From here, physical or mental violence, anxiety or depression can be only one step away.

When dealing with painful and stress promoting emotions, the only way to respond is with emotions  that get you in balance –  physically, mentally and spiritually. For the above feelings, one of the best and most resourceful responses is forgiveness.

The effects of forgiveness on your body

• reduces the stress and the adrenalin level (which initiates our fight or flight modus)
• lowers blood pressure (which cools down excitement)
• slows down the heart beat (which reduces the risk of heart attacks)
• decreases the risk of gall and kidney stones (which often develop through continuous  living on a high stress level)

The effects of forgiveness on your mind

• allows you to connect with your inner resources (instead of using external stimulants like sugar, alcohol or drugs)
• helps you to relate to your own power and strength (instead of giving it away)

The effects of forgiveness on your spirit

• creates a positive chain reaction of supporting emotions like understanding, compassion, connection
• enables you to feel peaceful

How do you get to a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness isn’t something that automatically comes to you, but it is a state that you can reach easily, if you commit to the process of change.

An important presupposition is to recognise and accept the value of forgiveness and how it can change your life for the better.

Forgiving is an active choice to do so. This doesn’t mean that we excuse or give permission to repeat or continue the hurting person’s behaviour. By you forgiving, it doesn’t make the hurtful action better, right or acceptable.

But it does mean that you are no longer willing to accept the state of being a victim and that you have chosen that you won’t give away your personal power, integrity and worthiness.

Actions of your body:

Take a deep breath. Sounds simple and it is. When you focus on your breath, you give your body the opportunity for a short break. A deep breathe in provides the body, especially the brain, with much needed oxygen to work more effectively and find a better solution.

It also erects the body, which in return sends signals of confidence to the brain. If you can manage to put on a smile, even better, because that will send ‘happiness hormones’ to your body and helps to release physical tensions. It is ok to fake it; your brain doesn’t know and doesn’t care – the effect is the same.

If you can, walk (physically) away from the situation. A quick walk or a hard workout will help you channel the adrenalin that is released to fight or flight.

Have you got a trampoline? Get on to it and start jumping! Jumping and hopping (maybe on a swiss ball) also release hormones that get you back on the road to feeling better quickly and as a result forgiveness and happiness will come even more easily and effortlessly.

If you feel like punching something, punch your pillow, a punching bag or the couch. Whatever you need to do,  get rid of it and be mindful to let it go in a way that is safe for your body, mind and soul – it will help you to clear the way to forgiveness faster.

Actions of your mind:

Forgiveness is an act of imagination. Instead of seeing or visualising yourself getting angry, acting out or even getting physical, you can quickly imagine how you walk away from the situation, do something that soothes your soul or imagine yourself calming down.

Actions of your soul:

Forgiveness does not mean to suppress your feelings. Let them out. If you feel like screaming, get in the car, the toilet or somewhere else where you are by yourself and scream, stump your feet, get some relief. You will get a clear head and you can start to think of a better way to deal with the situation.

Forgiveness is a state of awareness. It is not about denial, but one of conscious choice.

By letting go of grudges, you will find yourself moving away from defining your worthiness by other people’s action. You will be able to draw on powerful resources that make you feel better, in tune with yourself and the universe.

As a result you will feel peaceful and in control of your feelings instead of being controlled by them. You will feel in charge and you are, because it is your own responsibility

The act of Forgiving

Forgiveness can be challenging for the very reason, that often it is not done in one go. Some events need to be forgiven daily before we can heal.

Forgiveness is a divine act that helps us to connect with our spirit, with who we really are. It is one way to experience ourselves and an opportunity to realise that we are spiritual beings who live in a physical body and have human emotions – and choice.